Sunday, December 30, 2012

Depression: Living in the Shadows


Depression: Living in the Shadows
By K. Leslie Graves, December 30, 2012

It is the novelist in me that takes refuge in writing about depression.   To with as I begin this work I feel that I instantly understand what it took to produce the great works, more specifically, the classics beyond the ability of this writer and beyond the measure of this work.   The mere utterance of that, more specifically being among those who sought the write as “their measure” feels good and gives me a felt sense of belonging although this work may be among the millions of works that never see the light of day.  No matter, the fire is lit.   I have written twelve novels and I feel keenly able to try to write this as a discussion of depression.


Appearances, when they are deceiving  
When the accomplished demonstrate their work, whether it be music or literary form, it is the shadow of the creator that is being seen, not the creator, nor the creative process itself.  The creative process is elusive, invisible, unknown.  Writing that talks about the creative process is not “the process itself,” but is merely its description even if it is the writer himself or herself writing about his or her work.  The work is knowable, seeable and can be held.  The process by which “the work” is done is not.  In my view the work occurs in the darkness of oneself, unknowable to others and unseen despite its efforts.   For those who are able to reach down into themselves and successfully show what is inside, they enjoy the celebrity and in some cases, the riches that come with celebrity.  “Celebrity,” is rightfully bestowed on those “who take you somewhere” in their work and whose work becomes known.   The ability to take the reader or the listener “somewhere” I feel is simply the appearance of some aspect of the measure of the creator.   To wit, the most robust of pieces of music may come from the least comfortable amongst others, the shy and those that are in fact, alone.  The deception is not intentional.  The appearance of this or that ability is a true measure of the creator but is neither the process nor the creator themselves.                 
When you feel you cannot be yourself and no one knows
When you feel you cannot show yourself, less you be scorned, it is depressing, but not knowing oneself is not the same as not being able to show oneself.  In both cases, one can feel depressed, wounded and dejected.  No doubt it is better to have a sense of oneself whether that self be known to others or not than to neither be known and to not know one self.  In the first instance one can pursue avenues to seek fulfillment.  In the second instance one may feel lost. This may be the deepest kind of depression.   Fortunately, today the Internet facilitates our search for others like ourselves, and can also stimulate interest in activity that was not previously known.   Even membership in a community of depressed people begets a sense of belonging and for many may be the cure they need.  For others who know themselves who are not able to show themselves to others either by bad luck or circumstances, this is the deepest part of hell.  It is the book, unread, the pastry not tasted, the music unheard, the ballet not performed. 
When you are lonely
It can cause increased sadness to see others happy.   This sounds selfish at first but actually it is the expression of admiring a quality which the depressed person lacks, that causes the feelings of increased sadness, increased bitterness.  In many of these cases the lonely person tries to be unseen, stay alone so as not to be discovered.   The lack of the quality or ability to meet people and engage and sustain friends, this is the province of the lonely and the depressed.  Whether you are able to find and express your creativity is irrelevant to feeling alone.  This would seem a contradiction, if that creativity brings celebrity and riches.   Ask the celebrity or ask the rich person if they do not, still, feel alone.   Ask many people who are successful and I suspect you will find the same result.  You can feel lonely on a crowd.    

When you are neglected and abused
Although there are services for children, for women and the elderly who, it is discovered have been neglected or abused, far many more go without treatment than do.  This cause of depression can be the most insidious and the most harmful.   Being able to reach out to someone or some service that is outside of the depressed and abused persons’ circle appears paramount.   The healing cannot begin until the extent of the injury is reached, explored and known.   Once known, the process of healing may be life-long but the process is the most important thing, as all results are relative.    
When you feel you don’t belong
The activity of your cultural or demographic group may disinterest you.   If you are able to find activity outside of your immediate environment it might help.  However felling like one belongs or one does not belong is relative.   Even if you have found supports or others who share your interests the fact that they are not of your immediate socio-demographic sustains your sense of not belonging.   Those suffering depression who fit this criteria suffer, and often silently.  The ability to have ones sense of self reinforced by oneself actual peer group rather than ones socio-demographic group is helpful especially if one feels a sense of increasing belong to the group outside of one’s natural purview.
When you feel shame or inadequacy
The depression brought about by self loathing, can be the most dangerous.  When accompanied by loneliness, this group appears to me to be among the most capable of self-injurious behavior.   That shame or inadequacy can be generated by others but has to be internalized in order to become the root of self-harm.    
It is most important in recovery that process be emphasized over product.   We are not toys that can be fixed, but rather we are dynamic entities that can continue to improve. 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Americans are primed to discuss global warming




It has finally happened.  Climate change has become a part of the American conversation.  How many lives have been lost?  How many homes and businesses have been damaged or destroyed?   The tornadoes, hurricanes, droughts and wildfires have cost billions of dollars.  But it appears to me the degree of acceptance of global warming is commensurate with the degree our individual lives and routines have been affected.     Without thinking about it, I can think of three times the transportation systems in New York City have come to a standstill, second to weather.   It would be hard to find an adult American that cannot recall any natural disasters.   All religious feeling aside, we have had to cope with horrendous conditions.  Together with the lost of working hours, the lost of pay and the numerous  difficulties brought about by these natural disasters, Americans have included natural disasters in our memories.    Americans are primed to discussion global warming.   What further damages have to occur before we sit down and develop contingency plans for natural disasters that include backup systems?   (An example of a backup item would be the ability to deploy large portable power generators built to substitute for the regular systems for up to four weeks.)   In NYC I have BLOGGED about the folly of building an MTA transportation HUB in zone A or near zone A.  The Federal money that will be used to accomplish that might better serve NY and NJ if a barrier reef system were to be built.   What are you ideas?   What other ways can we become proactive with the expectation of future natural disasters?   By continuing this conversation, you are helping the public to move toward prevention, mitigation and the production of backup systems. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

TYPHOON Kills and Injuries Hundreds in Philippines


TYPHOON Kills and Injuries Hundreds in Philippines

by So You Cannot Sleep Tell Us Why

In what has been described as the deadliest typhoon this year, typhoon Bopha has claimed the lives of at least 283 and left thousands homeless.  We cover this tragic natural disaster in this show. 

http://earthsky.org/earth/at-least-650-dead-and-hundreds-still-missing-from-super-typhoon-bopha